Let's pretend...

...that I'm still in the good mood I was in this morning yeah?

As a tribute to BEDA I decided to do the last day even though I've missed about 8 days all together? Maybe more. Probably more.

Yesterday was a good day, a very good day. I guess it should be because of the whole Royal Wedding which was very pretty and everything (I would love to own that dress) but it wasn't due to that.

Basically it was good because Ellie and I decided to become part of Phoebe's street for one night only and travelled to shoreham to go to her street party. It was a bit awkward at first because it was kind of like; "heh, you don't know us, but we're gonna stay here anyway." But after we had done a Kate and William themed quiz and decorated some cup cakes very patriotically, I felt like we were welcomed.

So yeah, basically I just had a really fun time and we got to do skipping which I haven't done in about forever. And there also may have been some consuming of alcohol which to be honest didn't really do much. Sure I was a whole lot more giggly and a lot more accident prone and there were times when I said things that didn't make sense, but I wasn't totally drunk or anything. It's kind of impossible considering we only had about for cans between 3 of us and just kept passing it around. I honestly felt like such a rebel when drinking though, I was worried that phoebe's parents were gonna think that I was a delinquent but when I got there phoebe's mom asked me what I wanted to drink and I said coke and she just looked at me and went "Are you sure you don't want something stronger? Some alcohol or something?" I love Phoebe's mom, I think she was quite tipsy to be honest.

What else happened?

Hm.

Well I got really paranoid and was worried that when I got home my parents would be able to smell the alcohol on me. They didn't. Probably because I smelt of smoke (bonfire smoke), I can still smell the smoke now actually, I haven't had a shower yet so my hair smells and I can smell it faintly on my skin.

So yeah. I think I had such a good time yesterday basically because it was just pure, childish fun. There wasn't really any serious talk, we skipped and then there was a storm and a torrential downpour of rain but we didn't care, we just took our shoes off and skipped some more and then just stood round the bonfire, giggling and sipping beer. It was just a really nice evening and although I didn't get back till twelve, didn't go to sleep till one and got woken up at eight, I didn't care. I was still happy :)

Just eugh.

In case you can't tell. I've given up on BEDA.

Thursday.

Had another shitty day really, my cold has intensified and I cannot breathe through my nose, I didn't do anything all day and that includes revision so I will fail all my exams and end up working in McDonalds.

I think I'll take some more painkillers before bed again tonight, they helped me get to sleep a bit better. I'm not condoning drug use here btw.

I'm hot, temperature wise.

Okay I'm going to go because my nose is annoying me and I just can't think at all at the moment.

My head is so screwed up.

Bye.

So yeah.

Another day, another crap blog.

Don't you just love it when you have a really good day and then you come home and it just all get's ruined. And it wasn't even really my family.

Just popped some pills. I should probably disclose that these pills are completely legal and are just painkillers. My mom said that 1 would get rid of the pain, but two would make me, in her words; high as a kite. Now I misunderstood and was like; oh they'll make me happier. But when 20 minutes later I told her I wasn't feeling any happier she told me that it wouldn't affect me like that, more like I will feel like I'm floating at some point and will basically knock me out.

I'm kind of grateful I guess, I haven't been sleeping properly anyway so hopefully this means I'll sleep throughout the whole night. Woo.

This might not make any sense, because I do kind of feel a bit out of it. but I don't care.

On that note, I'm glad my crappy evening is coming to an end, too bad I have to resort to pills, but still.

Night. x

I faaaail.

I didn't blog yesterday. Oh well, I knew I'd fail, I was at Ellie's house and just completely forgot. Sorry.

Buttt, tv is on, and tv is more important than this crappy blog :L therefore imma go.

Plus I have to prepare for Scream 4 tomorrow, gonna die.

Nightnight. X

You can shoot me if you want.

Because I am rubbish at blogging :L will I ever learn?

So rubbish kinda day today, mostly because I was bored.

Anyways, imma go watch Lee Evans. Goodnight. X

quick! quick! quick!

Watching Criminal Minds!

Gonna watch Reid's lovely face and listen to his genius-ness.

Night night.

Wow.

So yesterday I must have been ridiculously delerious with exhaustion considering I spelt healthy wrong and also claimed that I had an Iphone...I don't have an Iphone and never have. I obviously meant blackberry, but whatever.

Seeing Red Riding Hood today, so that should be fun and then staying round kates, so again. Fun.

Bloody hell it's hot in my room.

In bed in my PJ's. I've already been up and about but decided to get back into bed even though I should probably start getting ready considering I need to shower.

Regarding your comment Ciara (look at you getting mentioned in my blog :L), I don't really know why I calorie count, it's something that I used to do a lot and then stopped for ages, but I've suddenly become kinda obsessed again. You may not think I need to, but I think I do. I've lost about 5 pounds in the past 3 months, yet I want to lose so much more. I've even been looking up calorie facts and such, for example;
- Drinking ice cold water helps you burn calories because your body has to use more energy to heat it up.
-600 starjumps will let you burn 200 calories
-A cup of pasta is 220 calories.

There are more, but those are the one's I know off the top of my head.

Noww, what to talk about? I've been so rubbish at blogging recently, and for that I am profusely sorry, honest.

So my brother managed to flood the bathroom yesterday like the twat he is, it was fun when water started coming through the ceiling *HEAVY SARCASM INTENDED*

My birthday in a month minus a day! Basically 30 days! Just worked that out on my fingers, that's my maths revision for the day.

Speaking of revision, I haven't done ANY! SSeriously. And I should probably be more worried about that than I actually am. I just figure I'll spend all next week revising, but we all know that that's not going to happen either.

Ah well.

I should go, only because I've run out of things to say. Bye.

My 130th Post.

Woo. I feel like this is something to celebrate, but it's not.

Tired. So tired.

Painted my nails black today, it felt good, haven't painted them black in months.

I've become obsessed with calorie counting again, it's not helthy I know, but now I have an app on my iphone so I can do it on the move.

Nearly passed out today and was shaking like a leaf (where does that expression come from?) but I'm pretty sure it was because I'd burned more calories exercising than I had eaten, which was only about 450 calories anyway even though I had eaten a lot.

Anyway. Tired. Proabably wont sleep. But still. I'm tired.

Goodnight.

This blog...

...has become the bane of me existance. Don't get me wrong blog, I love you, really I do, but having to write e-v-e-r-y day is really really annoying.

And I always leave it till the last minute because I am the worlds best procratinator. Guess what I did all day? NOTHING! I could have been writing this so that I could go to bed when I want to i.e. now. But no, instead I sat at the computer all day, doing nothing productive.

Haven't started revising yet, haven't done ANY! Guess who's gonna faaail.

So today nothing much happened, other than I went for an hour jog, it was actually enjoyable, just meant that I got to zone out for an hour, but other than that, nothing happened other than me feeling like shite.

Now you're probably sitting there like; "omigod, she's just gonna go on and on about how 'depressed' she is, she does this every day!"

And I admit I do complain a lot and I am sad a lot. But today was one of those days. The day where I get up, hate what I see in the mirror even more than normal, read and see things which send me into tears and honestly make me wish I had never gotten out of bed.

So basically, today wasn't good.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, I'm going swimming!

Night night.

P.s. Melanie I tried to read your fanfic but it wouldn't load properly? Can you just copy and paste it into an email pleeease.

i suck i know.

But it's late again, and I'm tired again. And fed up again.

Plus I'm sure you don't want to hear of my mediocre depressing musings when there are people who actually have problems in their life, which are much more serious than mine, yet don't have a computer to even complain about it.

So yeah, that's my excuse; some people don't have computers.

Goodnight. X

Writing on my blackberry because i'm modern and lazyy.

So the title pretty much tells you what I'm doing. I really cannot be bothered to move and haven't done so in 20 minutes.

In a bad mood for an unexplained reason, just feel a bit shit, and my mom keeps having a go at me for it. Honestly, she is not one to talk.

My blog posts have been really rubbish recently and I'm sorry, I will do a proper one tomorrow? Maybe? I'm just so tired at the moment.

On that note, my head hurts, so goodnight my lovelies.

My eye's are closing....

It's only half eight. This shows how truly tired I am, therefore I'm not going to really blog, just give you this sad excuse for one.

I only just woke up from a three hour nap and my mother is insisting I eat something, but that requires the effort of actually opening and closing my mouth and it just doesn't seem worth it. Plus I still have that horrible "after-nap" taste in my mouth.

I am wearing cow socks.

So goodnight. I'm going to shower and then go to bed.

The end to another boring day.

I have literally done nothing today, that's a lie actually. I spent most of it in my room, with the blinds down so I didn't have to face the sun, reading Second Helping and watching Hellcats and being generally miserable.

I can't seem to shake this miserable-ness. I mean I had my bouts of depression, rather frequently, but since everything has happened with Dan I have just been constantly upset or whatever. Which sucks because I feel like I'm letting a man run my life? (I'm too much of a feminist at heart) I feel like Dan's the reason I'm so upset, and it is, but I think that with all the stuff that happened, it just kind of confimed all my own doubts and made me think so much less of myself.

These blog posts must be so crap to read, it's just about my depression. This is why I shoudn't do BEDA, I just end up writing about how sad I am then people get worried and stuff. I don't mean to worry y'all. I have my own way with dealing with this stuff, and it should be writing it all down (like this) but this doesn't help I don't think. Maybe it does subconciously, but it just means that I can't live in denial.

This all made sense in my head, but it probably doesn't make any sense at all, just me ranmbling on. Sorry.

Bye.

Meh.

This is me blogging.

Look at me, BLOGGING!

This is me blogging...crappily.

And for that I'm very sorry. Better blog tomorrow.

PROMISE!!

XX

Tired.

I'm so relieved that school is over for 2 weeks.

I am very tired and pretty much just fed up with school life.

It's late, so I'm going to blog for mel and then go to bed.

Sorry for the crappy post, but a kinda crappy day leads to this.

Bye. x

Anyone willing to commit a murder for me?

Because I'm seriously considering it. Any offers? If so leave a comment telling me where and when because I want to watch.

So who do I want murdered you ask? Well that would be my ex-boyfriend. Now this may seem understandable if he broke up with me, but he didn't. I broke up with him but I still want him to suffer an unreasonable amount.

So you see today I got to find out that Dan had been fancying Phoebe for 2 weeks of our 3 week relationship. And that just obviously just filled my full of joy. I honestly nearly cried. It's not even that I like him anymore, because I don't. But you know all that stuff I was saying two blog posts ago about getting more confidence and all that jazz? Yeah well that's not true anymore. I honestly feel like crap, I feel like after one week of being with me, Dan realised that I wasn't all that and decided to like one of my prettier, funnier, friendlier, less socially awkward friend. He's made me feel so insignificant and small and even less confident before I went out with him.

Basically I'm depressed again. All that happiness from getting out of a relationship has completely dissolved.

It's obvious, I'm just not meant to be happy.

Going to go and die now. Bye.

P.s. Don't forget to comment if you're willing to partake in the murder.

Ooops

So it may or may not be 00:09 at the moment, which means that this is late by nine minutes, but we can just pretend that I didn't forget to do this yeah?

However, I am very tired, it has been a long day and kind of a crap day, I will tell all tomorrow you lucky readers.

But again, very tired, so goodnight.

P.s. Because it makes her happy; Ciara I love you. And because I'm sure it makes her happy; Melanie I love you aswell <3

Today was a good day.

Today was a VERY good day, this makes me a class A bitch because today was also the day I broke up with my boyfriend.

You just have no idea how relieved I am for it to be finally over, again sounding like a bitch. It's just I'm pretty sure being in a relationship isn't supposed to be as stressful as mine was. I was constantly worried that I wasn't doing something right, which to be fair was partly his fault because he said I wasn't being "girlfriendy" enough but let's not get into that because I don't want you to have to endure my feminist rant which is actually rather good. But yeah, it seemed that everything was fine until I started going out with him and once I did, things started going on, issues started to re appear and it just wasn't good.

But it's over, and in the least mean way, a huge weight has been lifted. It's funny relly because I craved a boyfriend so much, but it didn't turn out how I thought it was going to which saddens me because I had rather high expectations and I felt I settled for second best. I think the reason that I agreed to the relationship was because;
-peer pressure, not in a cruel way, but it felt that my friends were expecting it of me, I mean I'm my own person and all that, but they definitely had a small part in going out with him.
-Regrets. I didn't want to regret not going out with him or miss out on a chance that would never role around again.
-And lastly. The fact that someone actually liked me, fancied me. I'm definitely lacking in the confidence department (as are most teenage girls) but the fact that I had someone who liked me and even told me things like I was gorgeous (I refused to believe obvs) just made me feel good about myself and I think that to a certain degree that blind sighted me.

I think that this has been a rather ramble-y blog, but it's honestly what's going on in my head. I'm purposely not going to read back over it so that I don't delete bit's that are lame or embarrassing. So here you go, a look into my mind. Scary eh?

Anyway, Bye.

What my day consisted of:

-Technically going to sleep because I didn't go to bed until 2AM.
-Waking up at 7:24AM (Oh the fucking joy).
-Ignoring my mother all day for being a bitch last night.
-Giving my mother presents for mothers day, but wishing I had never bought them.
-Going to my nan's and seeing my great auntie before she goes back to Spain.
-Having lunch/dinner.
-Reading Lily/James fanfiction for hoursss
-And singing along to the RENT soundtrack.

As you can see I had a very eventful day, the best part was obviously the fanfiction and RENT music (because that's what all the cool kids do.)

In fact I think I'm too cool to be here right now, or too lazy, so I'm going to go.

Bye.

p.s. This should have been titled: "Day 2 of Lauren being a miserable bitch and telling the world about it." Much more appropriate.

I missed the first day of BEDA...

...So sorry about that.

I don't think I'm going to succeed at BEDA this year, mainly because I really don't blog as frequently anymore.

I'm only blogging today because Melanie Stupid Kress is making me.

I feel like shit, basically that's what's going on today.

The past month has been terrible with some rare good times thrown in. Maybe I'll elaborate in future posts when I have nothing else to talk about, chances are; I won't.

Fun blog post I know, until next time (tomorrow) bye.

p.s. I only read the 2 comments to my last blog post the other day so sorry about that. Melanie I know you're always there for me but I'm pretty sure you wrote that before I told you everything so nevermind. And Ciara, I love you, I do consider you a friend too and it's refreshing to know that I have you to talk to if I want to talk to someone who isn't pretty much around me 24/7, so thank you very much. xx