Today was a VERY good day, this makes me a class A bitch because today was also the day I broke up with my boyfriend.
You just have no idea how relieved I am for it to be finally over, again sounding like a bitch. It's just I'm pretty sure being in a relationship isn't supposed to be as stressful as mine was. I was constantly worried that I wasn't doing something right, which to be fair was partly his fault because he said I wasn't being "girlfriendy" enough but let's not get into that because I don't want you to have to endure my feminist rant which is actually rather good. But yeah, it seemed that everything was fine until I started going out with him and once I did, things started going on, issues started to re appear and it just wasn't good.
But it's over, and in the least mean way, a huge weight has been lifted. It's funny relly because I craved a boyfriend so much, but it didn't turn out how I thought it was going to which saddens me because I had rather high expectations and I felt I settled for second best. I think the reason that I agreed to the relationship was because;
-peer pressure, not in a cruel way, but it felt that my friends were expecting it of me, I mean I'm my own person and all that, but they definitely had a small part in going out with him.
-Regrets. I didn't want to regret not going out with him or miss out on a chance that would never role around again.
-And lastly. The fact that someone actually liked me, fancied me. I'm definitely lacking in the confidence department (as are most teenage girls) but the fact that I had someone who liked me and even told me things like I was gorgeous (I refused to believe obvs) just made me feel good about myself and I think that to a certain degree that blind sighted me.
I think that this has been a rather ramble-y blog, but it's honestly what's going on in my head. I'm purposely not going to read back over it so that I don't delete bit's that are lame or embarrassing. So here you go, a look into my mind. Scary eh?
Anyway, Bye.
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I'm am trying to write le fanfiction for you and I just suck at it. That goes to show the kind of commitment a boyfriend should have. A boyfriend should do something for you because it makes you happy, even though he hates it. That is all.
ReplyDeleteIf that's all a boyfriend needs I don't know what you're so angsty about Mel :L I am nice to Emily for you! Think of how much that stings ;)
ReplyDeleteOh yeah I was also meant to say You're not a bitch Lauren, if you're relieved it means you did the right thing. Which means you're actually a good person.
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